The top dog. The commander-in-chief. The person who sends emails to everyone now and again. However you want to describe them, President is far and away the most important position up for grabs (which might not necessarily be a good thing, but we’re not getting into the re-structuring of sabb roles here). Four go in, one comes out. And as everyone knows, there can be only one…
Kirsty “While The Sun Shines You Should Make” Haigh
Kirsty hates scissors
The obvious talking point about Kirsty’s run for president is the fact that she is already a sabb, and the first person to seek a second year in the Potterrow office. We predicted grumbling about this, and grumbling there has been, with alleged source of news The Tab being the most vocal so far.
Getting away from constitutional clusterfuckery, Kirsty seems to be focusing on dealing with EUSA’s hilariously/terrifyingly messed up finances, the old lefty stand-by of free education, and continuing work on ethical investment by the university. Will Kirsty make Haigh while the sun… oh we’ve made that joke already. Bugger.
(Also a quick mention of new hack rumour mill EUSAnasia, who called her campaign manager and former VP Services Max Crema an “Über-trot”. We’d comment more on this, but after last year’s ScandalGate we know for a fact he’s been called much, much worse.)
Briana “Clothes” Pegado
Briana when she visited the set of Third Encounters Of The Third Kind
Making a second stab at becoming president via the crooked blade of representative democracy, Briana is running on the slogan of “Putting the U back in EUSA”. We’d critique the wordplay, but considering we’ve based an entire blog on crap puns, we better not. We really have to mention her website, which is incredibly swish. It also has a fairly huge amount of stuff on it, with sections dedicated to “Briana’s lifestyle”, “Briana’s movement”, and a quote from Socrates. Not the Greek philosopher Socrates, however (or even the Brazilian midfielder), but a character from a semi-fictional self-help book.
Policy wise, Briana is going for the “pragmatic” and “back to basics” approach, with notable areas of interest being international students and their shoddy treatment by immigration authorities, specific policies for the “other” campuses (as a KB native, your beloved correspondent appreciates this) and improving the counselling service.
There’s a long history of second attempts at sabb campaigns being successful stretching back to Liz Rawlings in 2009, a trend we assume Briana hopes continues.
Dan Scott “Not Of The Antarctic” Lintott
We can’t find a photo of Dan that we can make a joke about. Gutted.
Former Student editor and the apparent dark horse, Dan is the obligatory “I’m ain’t no cliquey EUSA insider” candidate for this year. Dan has got a lot of early hype, largely down to a slick campaign video where he walks towards the camera whilst talking a lot, before people throw glitter at him whilst techno plays.
Dan has a lot on student welfare in his manifesto, with the counselling service, zero tolerance for sexual harassment and giving C Cards to all freshers featuring prominently. He is also running on a £1 shots in Big Cheese platform, which although a refreshing twist on the “cheaper pints in Teviot” policy, is still a variation on a well-worn theme.
Dan is most definitely an outside candidate, but is wearing that badge quite proudly. He’s not the first to do so though, and the obvious downside of deliberately not appealing to hacks is that hacks are far and away the most likely to actually vote. Can the dark horse finally win?
Crikey… After four years, we’re finally stumped. We’ve got nothing on this.
Look, we’re going to be honest here – making a funny student politics blog that isn’t just calling people names is hard, alright? There’s only so many jokes you can make about democratic reform before you start repeating yourself. When we’re given fresh material, we’re on it like Ana Matronic.
Jacob’s campaign has some pretty decent policies, especially on tackling dodgy landlords, but the main thing everyone noticed is that it’s more surreal than Salividor Dali is actually a washing machine. This makes our lives way easier, and although he has probably the least likely to win, we are thankful to him for giving us something un-boring to work with if nothing else.
So, er, look at that chest hair eh?