Look, we know its been a while. We missed you too. We can’t fully explain our prolonged absence for legal reasons, but we can tell you it involved a former Italian statesman/sex pest, a case of Glen’s Vodka, some petrol, a few billion euros in cash and curiosity. After we came out of witness protection, we returned to the Eusafishes Underwater Palace to begin blogging once more. Also Kieran bought Skyrim, which lets you punch goats off mountains. We have our priorities.
There’s some things going on round these parts we haven’t noticed for a while – hacks huddled in Teviot looking even more conspiratorial than usual, sporadically updated yet beloved EUSA blogs suddenly posting again, and a certain whiff of representative democracy in the air around Bristo Square. You notice these things and you say to yourself:
“Oh god, it’s nearly the fucking. elections. already.”
Yes, for the EUSA hack community, the insomnia, the gossiping and the gradual slide of expectations towards a 2:2 are all back. And as ever dear reader, we as bastions of Pure Quality Journalism are here to guide you through the labyrinth of lies, damned lies and promises of a 24 hour library. Here are the questions that we think will concern Real Students™ over the next few weeks of electioneering.
Who has the nicest posters?
Despite controversy around it, if the (defunct post-referendum) Defend Edinburgh slate achieved anything, it banished the aesthetic evils of Comic Sans and cheap clip art to the electoral hinterland once and for all. We live in a brave new world where tasteful black-and-white photographs and artful minimalism reign supreme over the fence outside Teviot, and a “fit poster” is a pre-requisite for any serious candidate. This is probably the single most influential factor in election campaigns – 😀 for graphic artists but 😕 for democracy.
Who is going to be the best joke candidate?
Student politics and piss-taking go wonderfully hand-in-hand (otherwise, this blog would be fucked). With this in mind, its always pretty fun to see the more esoteric campaigns, despite what some of the more grumpy hacks say. Last year Jacob Bloomfield’s VP Services bid, based on a pro Lord of the Rings re-enactment/anti polar bear attacks platform, was shockingly successful and ended up being the main threat to eventual winner Phillipa Faulkner. After Tom Crewther rebooted his 2010 presidential bid for a slightly more grim ‘n’ gritty approach last time, will he try and make it third time lucky? And will he be a bit pissed off by us putting him in the joke candidate category? Finally, following the high profile but ultimately unsuccessful “Mr T for President” campaign, will we see more 80s pop culture icons running? If so, Eusafishes wholly and unapologetically supports Optimus Prime for EUSA President.
Where is the shitstorm going to come from?
From Harry Cole’s bastardly smear campaign (something we like to mention on Twitter whenever we see him on TV) to the surprisingly contentious topic of poster regulations , there’s usually something going on to get hacks all riled up during election time. To summarise how these things tend to go, at some point someone will call someone else a dick, leading to a flurry of passive aggressive tweets and mass bitching in private Facebook groups (we know you’re there), until everyone gets horribly drunk at the results party and forgets about it during the painful hangover. We should probably disapprove of this sort of thing, but we also run a blog about student politics, and often get stuck for things to write about. Which leads us nicely onto…
A new age of EUSA blogs?
For those of you new to the murky depths of EUSA politics, EUSAlicious was an incredibly popular blog covering a whole range of hack gossip, covering font related conspiracy theories, the relative attractiveness of SRC members and most things in between. For a few weeks a year, you could usually find someone in the library gazing at the familiar love heart adorned screen while hammering the refresh button. After it closed shop last year, there have been a few attempts to fill the void. While most have been either short-lived or very short-lived, two new contenders have arrived recently. The EUSA Post has been rather active (and eerily similar to EUSAlicious in tone), while Tell Ms. Moose has the distinction of being the first blog authored by the wife of a beloved Edinburgh University mascot/Fresher’s Week volunteer in a moose costume. And us, but we assume you know that. Its nice to see some fresh blood on the EUSA blog scene, and hopefully they can hang around (we get lonely sometimes).
Who will use memegenerator.com to produce publicity?
FISH PUNS BABY, WE’RE BACK IN THE GAME.